Self-control is the ability to manage one’s own behavior, emotions and thoughts. This skill is especially important in the developmental process of children. In the first years of their lives, children act with boundless curiosity and energy as they explore the world. However, in this process, they need to learn to postpone their own desires, respect the rights of others and follow social rules. This is where self-control comes into play.
Self-control enables children to establish balance both in their inner world and in their social environment. This skill helps them to become emotionally healthier, more academically successful and more harmonious individuals in their social relationships. So, how does self-control develop in children? What is the role of parents in this process? In this article, we will talk about the importance of self-control, the necessity of setting limits for children and how these limits should be set. We will also discuss the problems that can arise when there are no limits or when they are set incorrectly.
Self-control is not only a disciplinary tool in children’s lives, but also a guide that supports their self-confidence and freedom. This article will provide parents with practical tips for developing their children’s self-control skills, as well as guidance on how to establish healthy boundaries.
Contents
- What is Self-Control?
- Why do we need borders?
- How should the limit be set?
- How to be a child without boundaries?
- Frequently Asked Questions
What is Self-Control?
Children are very cruel and selfish, especially in the first years of their lives. They think they are the center of the world. In this respect, they are always on the demanding side. However, being a social individual requires accepting the existence of other individuals and living in harmony with them. In order for a child to reach this acceptance and gain control over himself/herself, it is a prerequisite to acquire certain social skills:
- Respect the rights and wishes of others,
- Empathize,
- To have a sense of morality and conscience,
- To be able to express oneself verbally,
- To be aware of one’s own worth and to have self-confidence,
- We cannot talk about self-control and being a social individual without some values such as helping others and gaining cooperation skills.
Why do we need boundaries?
Children come into the world without knowing the rules. As they grow up, what is expected of them changes and diversifies, and children who grow up in an environment without appropriate boundaries have difficulty gaining useful experiences of real life. Balanced and consistent boundaries are vital to ensure children’s safety, develop self-control and social skills.
The Contribution of Boundaries to Child Development
Safe Environment and Self-Control Awareness
- Trust and Self-Control: Boundaries help children learn where to stand. In areas where they feel safe, they also develop a sense of self-control.
- Example: The example of a child hanging out of a window, a ruler and a balance placed on the edge of the table show concretely why they need to be careful.
Development of Social Skills
- Social Adaptability: Children learn the limits of their relationships with their environment through experience. Their experiences enable them to behave consistently in their friendships and gain a sense of responsibility.
- Need for Control and Freedom: Children discover their competence by feeling freedom, power and control over their own lives. In this process, parents should provide an environment suitable for the child’s individual characteristics by readjusting the boundaries..
Balance in the Application of Limits
Clear and Explanatory Communication
- Clear Explanations: It is important to clearly explain to children why there are certain boundaries and why these boundaries are important for their safety and development.
- Example Practice: Explain the importance of eating together instead of calling 5 times every time a meal is prepared. Removing the table if they do not come after the second reminder sends a clearer message.
Flexibility and Updating
- Update according to age and situation: Boundaries set from infancy should be adjusted as the child grows and develops social skills.
- Justification: Strict and unchangeable boundaries may cause two-ended reactions in children, such as rebellion or total submission. Taking the right approach by explaining the reasons and providing flexibility contributes positively to the child’s development.
The Role of Boundaries in Family Structure
Setting Boundaries in Parenting
- Consistent Approach: When parents set the right boundaries, children are more likely to adopt rules in an environment where they are accepted and loved.
- Example: When boundaries are clear and consistent, children are better able to distinguish what is right and what is wrong, which has positive consequences for their social relationships and sense of responsibility.
Social Responsibility and Real Life Experiences
- Real Life Experiences: Children learn by experiencing their boundaries in their relationships with their environment. Children who do not know their boundaries have difficulty reacting appropriately in real life; for example, they may ignore the freedom of others in their friendships.
- Example Scenario: A child whose own belongings are easily replaced may be surprised by the reaction he/she gets when he/she damages a friend’s belongings. This illustrates the importance of boundaries and the need for clear enforcement.
Achieving Success with Balanced Boundaries
Benefits of Balanced and Consistent Rules
- Less Rebellion, More Responsibility: Clear, balanced, consistent and consistent rules prevent children from rebellious behavior and help them develop a sense of responsibility.
- Guidance in the Learning and Exploration Process: Children learn when and how to behave thanks to set boundaries. This enables them to establish healthy relationships with their environment and realize their own potential.
Family Support and Trust
Consistent Application: Consistency in the application of boundaries helps children understand where boundaries begin and end. Thus, they develop self-control skills by avoiding unnecessary moves.
Parental Role Modeling: Children feel their parents’ competence and supportive attitude. This makes them feel safe and know that they can get support in any situation.
How should the limit be set?
Warm, transparent, caring and consistent parenting is one of the most important conditions for children’s healthy development. When parents set the right boundaries, it helps children to adopt rules easily, with love and acceptance.
Setting Limits from an Early Age
- Setting limits from infancy: During children’s development, limits should be set from an early age and updated as they grow older.
- Clear explanations: We need to clearly explain to children why certain boundaries exist and why they are important for their safety and development.
- Flexibility and timeliness: Boundaries should be flexible when needed and can be changed according to children’s developmental needs.
Purposeful and Consistent Rules
- Purposeful limits: When setting rules, it is important to indicate to the child which behaviors are acceptable rather than just saying “no”.
- Consistent enforcement: The limits set should be applied consistently in every situation. Inconsistency may cause children to push the limits.
- Realistic solutions: Unrealistic temporary solutions should not be created to save the day. Children need to learn that parents cannot solve all problems and control every situation.
Understanding the Causes of Negative Behavior
- Underlying causes of behavior: Behind every negative behavior lies a need, goal or problem. Therefore, it is important to investigate the causes of the behavior in order to guide the child in the right direction.
- Offering alternatives: Especially when explaining to the child what cannot be done, the behaviors that can be done instead should also be mentioned.
Involving Children in the Process
- Participation in boundary setting: Children’s participation in the process is an effective way to ensure the adoption and ownership of rules.
- Parental role modeling: The common attitude, general stance and behavior of parents is the best example of boundary setting for children.
Effective Communication Methods
- Use of “I language”: Using a “me language” approach to communicating with children allows emotions to be expressed clearly and without causing harm. For example, you can say “Loud noise bothers me” instead of “Enough, you’re making my head swell”.
- Short and concise sentences: Short, clear and understandable statements should be used instead of long explanations. For example, “I don’t want you to do that”.
- Keeping promises: Promises and consensus reinforce the child’s sense of trust.
Strategies for Coping with Negative Behavior
Explain to the child what the consequences might be if the behavior continues. For example, “If you keep throwing your toys on the floor, they might break.” “ble” life means “harming” them, not “benefiting” them in the long run, and nothing is unlimited and may run out one day.
Ignoring or distracting: Staying unresponsive or changing the subject in the face of negative behavior can sometimes be effective in stopping the behavior.
Avoid using an escalating tone of voice: You should gently state your instructions loudly and without repetition, making eye contact with your child.
How to be a child without boundaries?
- He thinks he owns the world.
- They may be disappointed in their relationships.
- He thinks the rules are not right.
- Difficulties in social relationships.
- He is highly disapproved of by his friends.
- He/she has serious problems at school. He/she may have frequent tantrums.
- He feels lonely.
Frequently Asked Questions
Self-control is the ability to control one’s own behavior, emotions and thoughts. Self-control in children is critical for adjustment in social relationships, academic success and emotional balance. This skill develops children’s ability to delay their desires, follow rules and take responsibility.
Boundaries ensure children’s safety, develop a sense of responsibility and establish an orderly way of life. They also help children understand what is acceptable and increase their social cohesion.
Consistency: The rules and limits set by parents should be consistent.
Clarity: Rules should be clearly stated.
Flexibility: Flexibility appropriate to the age and developmental level of the child should be provided.
Cooperation:Involving the child facilitates the adoption of boundaries.
Overly restrictive limits undermine a child’s self-confidence, inhibit their sense of independence and can lead to rebellious behavior. It is important to allow children to try and explore new things.
Inconsistent boundaries make it difficult for children to understand what is right and what is wrong, create a sense of insecurity and can lead to an increase in unwanted behaviors
Modeling: Parents setting an example through their own behavior.
Positive Reinforcement: Rewarding desired behaviors.
Patience and Support: Understanding and supporting the child’s emotional reactions.
Explanation of rules: Explaining cause and effect relationships.
Punishment is often ineffective in bringing about the desired behavioral change and can lead to negative emotions. Instead, it is more effective to reinforce positive behaviors and experience natural consequences.
